Choosing The Best – Part 2

Often, life is viewed in terms of needs rather than choices. Unfortunately, seeing something as a need takes the focus away from the power of choice. Seeing something as a need often leads to resentment and a feeling of being trapped, while seeing it as a choice leads to a sense of empowerment and control. The fact is, most of the things you see as needs can be transformed into choices by a change in thinking.

All too often, much of the focus of day-to-day life is on striving for more in order to satisfy what you perceive as your needs. It can be draining, it can be stressful and it can be frustrating to always keep your efforts directed toward getting more and more, always driven by those needs which never go away. Usually when you get more, it’s never enough. You find that you need even more. Is there any way out of this vicious cycle?

Yes — the way to get more from life is not by needing more. The way to get more from life is by needing less and choosing more.

Certainly there are some basic, fundamental needs which cannot be denied or ignored. To stay alive, you must have air to breathe, water to drink, and nutritious food to eat. You need clothing and shelter to protect you from the elements. Beyond those basic requirements, however, things become much more flexible. Beyond those basic needs, almost all of your needs become more a matter of choice. Indeed, the majority of your more complex and burdensome needs are very likely things which are imposed upon you by your own choices or by the choices you’ve allowed others to make for you.

Actually, most of what you perceive as needs are not really needs at all. Rather, they are strong indications of your desires and your driving purposes. When you start to see them as such, and relate to them as such, it can make a tremendous positive difference. When you see them as choices you are able to make, then they no longer have the power to burden you.

Interestingly, the more you see yourself as needing something, the less your likelihood of having it. When you can let go of the need, you also let go of the negative sense of lack and limitation associated with it. When you no longer focus on the need for it, you can begin to focus on creating the reality of it. When you need it less, you begin, in a very real sense, to have it more. You go from being desperate about it to being confident about it.

Consider, for example, the need for approval from others. Think of how much time, money, thought and energy you put into objects and activities which are solely for the purpose of impressing other people. Think of all the time you spend in worry and frustration when you discover that someone may have a negative impression of you. Not only is the need for approval a burdensome need in its own right, it can also lead you to create a whole range of supporting needs, such as the need to drive a particular kind of car, or to live in a particular part of town, or to acquire a certain job title, or even to take a certain kind of vacation.

Certainly in your relationships you want to give your best and be your best, but what others think of you is primarily their concern, not yours. The most positive impressions are made by those who are not overly concerned about what kind of impression they’re making. The most truly impressive people are those who have no need to be impressive. Those who let go of the need to impress others are the ones who end up being the most genuinely impressive.
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